Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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