I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
