maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she told me i tasted like america
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
