She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
