I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
