Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
