toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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