..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
