Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
