I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
