do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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