I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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