rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
