Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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