why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
