Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
only if we run a train.
done.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
