are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
