At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
