So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
