sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
