when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
