it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
