christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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