she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
