I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
