I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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