I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
