Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
