So many bounce houses so little time
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
