I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
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