a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
