I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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