So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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