HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
