Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
