The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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