Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The ass gains better be worth it
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