the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She's the barista slut.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
