But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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