Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
