About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
