He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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