apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
