he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
