She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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