I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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