I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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