i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
