At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
