I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
