Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
