I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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