Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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